A wonderful day

Today was a good day. Actually, all in all, it’s been a really nice weekend.

FG brought his niece and nephew over Friday night to go swimming and we had a lot of fun. At one point, the sun had set and it was getting a little chilly. He and I were both exhausted from throwing the kids in the water, chasing them around the pool, playing shark, etc. The kids, of course, were not the least bit tired. He and I wound up sitting on the steps of the pool, barely in the warm water. I was shivering so he held me with his arms around me and we watched the kids playing. I could have sat there like that all night but alas, the kids had other plans.

Sitting there like that, everything seemed so perfect. I couldn’t help the feeling that this is what my life was supposed to be like. It’s hard to explain. All four kids had been being kids all evening but we were both taking care of it. I’m as comfortable dealing with his kids as I am mine and he’s as comfortable with my kids as his. His niece is still a little jealous of me but for the most part, I’ve won her over. For the first time since my children were born, I actually felt like I had a partner…between the two of us, we had four kids, but I had a partner. So sitting there on the steps, with his arms around me, watching the kids play, it just felt so right.

Of course, they had to leave and I was struck by the reality of being alone to get my children wound down and into bed, and of course the loneliness when it was time for me to go to bed alone. But for a few hours, I had a glimpse of what my life was supposed to be like.

I wrote about yesterday. Today, Ex took the boys. He finally acquiessed to keeping them an hour later than he wanted so that I could go to the wedding shower alone. It wouldn’t have bothered me to take them with me, but it was nice to have adult conversation without having to worry about them. I hate to say this, but it was nice to have a conversation where people were paying attention to what I was saying instead of having all the focus on the kids. That doesn’t sound right, but maybe you know what I mean.

When I picked the boys up, FG came over and took us out to dinner. The plan was to come back and go swimming to wear the boys out and then have some grownup time after they went to bed. The restaurant was totally screwed up and we wound up waiting 2 hours for our “quick” dinner so it was too late to go swimming. We wound up coming back and giving the boys a shower and then snuggling up on the couch, all four of us, and watching a movie before bed. After the boys went to bed, we had a couple of hours alone. Again, it just felt so right. And again, I was struck by the emptiness when he left.

For weeks we’ve been planning for the 4th of July. I knew it was Ex’s weekend, but when was the last time he took them overnight? FG is going to Alabama on Friday to buy fireworks (they’re illegal here so you have to go to either SC or AL to get them!) and we’re supposed to be having a cookout/pool party at his sister’s house on Saturday and shoot off fireworks after dark. We’ve been planning it for a while and the boys are really looking forward to it.

FG was driving me nuts this afternoon asking me if Ex was going to try to get the boys next weekend so I finally agreed to ask him. When I picked them up, I asked him if he had any plans for next weekend. He hemmed and hawed a bit so I asked him if he had plans that included the boys. He INFORMED me that he will be picking the boys up Saturday morning and going to his parents’ house. They live on a lake about 90 miles south of here and there’s a big fireworks show over the lake every year. I asked him if he was going to keep them overnight and he said probably not. EXCUSE ME!?!! It’s getting dark, what 9:00? 9:30? So the fireworks show will be over around 10:30. Then drive an hour and a half back here and return the boys at what…midnight? I don’t think so! Whether I have plans or not is irrelevant…that’s just ridiculous! I didn’t argue with him in front of the boys, I just told him to let me know as soon as possible what the final plan is and if I haven’t heard from him by Wednesday, I’m going to assume he changed his mind. Of course, he apparently spent the day telling the boys that they’re going to their grandparents’ house next weekend. They’ve been asking me when they can go to the lake again and I know they’ll enjoy the fireworks show down there so that part of it isn’t really a big deal, but not wanting them to spend the night is.

I think I’ve been more than reasonable about all of this. I’m fairly sure that he’ll decide to keep the boys overnight and ask me to get them early Sunday morning. If he doesn’t, then there’s going to be a fight. I have plans for the entire day Saturday…I can take the boys with me (as has been the plan all along) or he can keep them for the weekend like he’s supposed to, but he’s not bringing them back to me in the middle of the night! I hope he’ll decide to spend the night at his parents’ house but won’t that be cozy…him and Her and The Kid and my two boys all sharing the guest room. One big happy family! I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see how MIL handles having all three kids around. Especially if SIL, BIL, and the little prince are there too.

If he does keep them overnight, then I’ll still go to FG’s sister’s place and do that thing, then he can come back here and spend the night. It’s been so long…I wonder if I remember what to do? And then two weeks later is when my sister is taking the boys for the whole weekend. I’m sure I won’t know what to do with two grownup weekends in one month! Anyway, if he doesn’t want to keep them overnight, I’m just going to tell him he can’t have them at all. I hate doing that because (among the more noble reasons) it gives him ammunition to say that I’m keeping the boys away from him, blah blah blah. Oh well, I’ll just have to deal with that. I doubt he’d actually take me to court for visitation interference but in this case, I don’t think a judge in the world would fault me for finally standing up for myself.

I also found out today that my favorite cousin is coming up from FL in a couple of weeks. One of my cousins up here suggested that the boys and I just plan to spend the weekend at their house that weekend. His wife’s granddaughter will be in town so we’ll do the obligatory family stuff and then head back to their place to chill out. She said the kids can watch movies till they pass out and we can have grownup time. She wants me to bring FG but I’m not really sure about that. I’ll think about it, but I’m not sure what kind of message that will send to the boys. I think I’d rather leave him out of it for now. It will still be a fun change of scenery for us and a chance for me to catch up with family that I’ve been cut off from for the last 6 or 7 years. The only problem with that weekend is that it’s the weekend I was planning to do the boys’ birthday party. If we’re going to be tied up with family stuff, then it means that 7/11 is the only weekend left to do their party. Which means I’ve got to get busy because that’s two weeks away.

Oh yeah, and I also found out today that my other cousin just moved into the school district where I really want Squirt to go to school in the fall. I’ve got to call him tomorrow and see about maybe using his address to register Squirt. I’m a little nervous about that, but it’s better than the ghetto school in our neighborhood.

And now I’m off to bed…we’ve got a busy day week month ahead of us. Suddenly it seems crazy that summer is half over already. Looking at the calendar I made up for the boys, every day is full from now until school starts back…and that’s not even counting my to-do list with all the little things like registering for kindergarten! Woohoo!